I am fine?

Those sleepless nights, with the darkness of the new moon spreading its light beneath my eyes, created circles of numbness and flowed down like a pirate on a huge ship to loot the last crumb of peace from my mind.

I pulled myself out of bed not because I wanted to, I did it since I had no other option. I was tutored to be an actor who could perform convincing roles in the stage of life. I therefore had to play 'fine' with versatility.

The generally expected answer to "How are you?" is mostly "I am fine." The accuracy of lies accumulated behind the smiles while giving that response would bring about an apocalyptic spell on Earth, had we been cursed by Goddess Veritas.

"Sshhh, shhhh", I kept requesting them to keep quiet but they would pay no heed to my words.

The voices inside my head, tore my heart out and sent it for exile to a place where it had forgotten what it meant to feel worthy.

I saw my nights being tethered to emotional breakdowns, while the days rushed out in a hurry to get away from the silhouette of smiles impersonating genuineness. The predators inside my mind were armed with a tear gas made up of prolonged hopelessness. I had an uneasy feeling hovering inside my body. I desperately wanted to breathe out of life. I even wrote a note stating the end of my race against time. I burnt it later, because somewhere deep down in my heart I knew that I had the potential to be a fighter.

I was aware that my mental health was collapsing. I did nothing about it for months. Eventually, before silence could drown me, I began voicing out my feelings through poetry. I worked on a poem for more than four to five hours a night until my sleeplessness changed into the costume of tiredness and fatigue the following day. I washed the emotional pain which was breeding inside me for months by scrubbing off the cells of agony with the support of words.

I had strongly felt as though this phase would last for eternity and I imagined about how emptiness would seep into my future.

It took quite sometime for me to recover. Hell, it seemed like I marked the end of an era known for its destructive force to cripple the mind.

I got better bit by bit and my eyes lit up as I relearned to smile from the bottom of my heart. It was not an easy task to climb the mountain of resilience, but I began holding onto my willpower tightly and even before I realised I had reached the other side of life where I could see the dawn of a new day.

I feel blessed to have had the opportunity to find my strength in the art of poetry and for those few close friends who stood by me like pillars of positivity.

We are the guardians of our minds and we need be the defending champions of our mental health. If we acknowledge and willingly agree to cure the emotional wounds our minds are suffering from for days, weeks, months or in some cases even for years we can defeat the epidemic of depression from soaring into the lives of millions.

This World Mental Health Day, let's make sure the answer to a "How are you?" is not a counterfeit of authenticity due to the stigmatisation of mental health problems.

Be compassionate, you never know when a wounded mind needs your love and support.

©songbriti