Stronger than that

"Cold grass blue tea."
Disorganisation has its own way of defining things.
The floor is having a blast of pastry cream and confetti. It is her birthday, I was ordered to celebrate it.
Alexa, my virtual assistant reminds me that I have an appointment at 4pm. A bottle of water is ready on my bedside table and a clozapine.
"Whispers of Immortality."
Reading books used to be my favourite pastime, not anymore.The last book I read is in the store room, fighting for its life as the worms have begun their coursework.
I push myself to the right corner of the bed after she declares she needs more space. Adjusting to her orders is not a choice.
"How are you feeling today?"
"I am surviving."
The session ends after an hour and I leave Dr. Mehta's cabin with a smile. If you think, all the sessions have a happy ending, I must tell you that my battle is not plotted in Fantasyland. There are days when I cry out loud while describing how she scares me with a snake in her hand. How she  controls my response to open the door to my room and to lock myself in the shower. The emotional drainage leaves me so exhausted that all I want to do is get some sleep without being controlled by her creaking voice.
Earlier this evening, her claws were about to dig into the skin below my left ear but she failed at her attempt because my elder sister walked in.
My family is the strongest Special Force I have.
Schizophrenia is a tough enemy but my mind is my best friend and it cares about me. It loves me and I am going to take care of its health.

©songbriti

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