A Page from her Diary (Part 3) ~ because memories are like an obituary for deceased relations...

Dear Buddy,

Why can’t relationships be immortal? Why do they suffer due to consequences and eventually die forever. Perhaps, I too murdered a relation. A clap requires two palms; similarly I cannot be held solely responsible for the loss, can I? Remember, I narrated to you how things were fine between Ayaan and me. I never knew some relations are destined to have a short life.

I thought there was no unspoken emotion left between us and that we had clarity about our relation. His birthday; it ruined everything. It always does! No, not the birthday… his drunken state of mind and the emotions he expressed at that moment left me in rage! Being his Best Friend, I knew I would be the first one to wish him. I have always been the first one to wish him on all his birthdays. “Happy birthday Ayaan!” I said softly. I had wished I could scream my lungs out and wish him. It was midnight and I was considerate as my roommate was peacefully asleep. “Thank Youuuu”, he shouted. His reply was enough for me to figure out that his consciousness had gone for a walk. I informed him that I would talk to him in the morning when he gained senses!

“Wait….talk to me, you know what your ego ruined everything and you will have to live with this guilt all your life.”, he yelled. I did not know how to respond to his sudden outburst of emotions. I tried to calm to him by attempting to make him realize that he is reacting that way due to the excessive intake of alcohol. He turned impatient and poured out all his piled up emotions without listening to what I had to say. He bluntly stated how he felt I was responsible for us not “being together”. How I was impatient in handling situations and also blamed me for having ego issues! I kept my cool and reminded him of the reason why I detached earlier. He seemed to lend a deaf ear to all the words I uttered. “You know what…I liked you, but you never gave me a chance to fall in love with you…Now Youuuu have to suffer with this guilt all your life…Your f****** ego…Do you understand that I have just One heart not Two and that is already with someone else now. And…and the girl I love is the most amazing girl on earth.”, he said with anger. My mind froze for a few seconds. I understood that no matter whatever I would speak at that moment would only give birth to further complications. I decided to hang up the call. He made me promise that I would call him back the next day…

When repressed memories are “welcomed back” to the conscious mind, the penalties they bring along with them can be way too catastrophic! I speculated why my Best Friend who shared every minute detail of his life with me required alcohol to express his feelings to me. I now realized the maturity and calmness which he showcased initially was a mask for his intrinsic frustration. 

I decided to drop a message for him on WhatsApp. I framed every sentence in the message carefully as I did not want the message to have multiple interpretations! I wished him all the happiness and success for his future. This time I kept my promise of informing him how I felt and why I was letting go of our bond. He definitely read the message, but I feel assured that it had no importance in his life. Or rather, “I” had no importance in his life! I agree to the fact that I blocked his contact number without giving it a second thought that night.


“You are not my rebound…rebound is created by situations and I choose to talk to you”, he replied when I once asked him if he spoke to me just to vent out his sadness. I was right, he never cared. No, I am not drawing conclusions. Not one call, not one message. Did he assume that I have blocked all the numbers in the world!

Best friends are always meant to be “Partners in Crime.” Well he proved it true; he aided me in murdering our relation! You must be thinking how could I let go of such an important bond right? Why doesn’t someone incite an identical thought in his mind too?

©songbriti


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